What if you set out to make the worst website you possibly could? So poorly designed and full of frustrating patterns that users would not only hate the experience of using this website, but would also come to hate your company. Could we make a web experience so terrible that it would express how much our company hated our users?
As a long-time Internet addict, I've encountered my fair share of terrible websites. Instagram where now half my feed is advertisements for stupid t-shirts and the other half is empty black space.
Or ARNGREN.net which is like if a newspaper ad threw up on my screen.
But Instagram still occasionally shows me pictures of people I follow and ultimately the stuff on ARNGREN is so cool I still want to buy it regardless of the layout.
No, I believe it is the crack team at Broadcom that have nailed it for the worst website in existence.
Lured in with free VMware
So through social media I discovered this blog post from VMware announcing that their popular virtualization software is free for personal use now. You can read that here. Great, I used VMware Fusion before and it was ok and maybe it will let me run Windows on an ARM Mac. Probably not but let's try it out and see.
This means that everyday users who want a virtual lab on their Mac, Windows or Linux computer can do so for free simply by registering and downloading the latest build from the new download portal located at support.broadcom.com. With the new commercial model, we have reduced our product group offerings down to a single SKU (VCF-DH-PRO) for users who require commercial use licensing. This simplification eliminates 40+ other SKUs and makes quoting and purchasing VMware Desktop Hypervisor apps, Fusion Pro and Workstation Pro, easier than ever. The new Desktop Hypervisor app subscription can be purchased from any Broadcom Advantage partner.
I don't want to register at support.broadcom.com but it looks like I don't have a choice as this is the screen on the VMware site.
Now this is where alarm bells start going crazy in my head. Nothing about this notice makes sense. "The store will be moving to a new domain". So it's...not...down for maintenance but actually is just gone? Or is it actually coming back? Because then you say "store will be shutdown" (just a quick note, you want "the store" and "will be shutting down on April 30th 2024"). Also why don't you just redirect to the new domain? What is happening here?
Broadcom
So then I go to support.broadcom.com which is where I was told to register and make an account.
Never a great sign when there's a link to an 11 page PDF of how to navigate your website. That's the "Learn how to navigate Broadcom Support" link. You can download that killer doc here: https://support.broadcom.com/documents/d/ecx/broadcom-support-portal-getting-started-guide
Alright let's register.
First the sentence "Enhance your skills through multiple self-service avenues by creating your Broadcom Account" leaps off the page as just pure corporate nonsense. I've also never seen a less useful CAPTCHA, it looks like it is from 1998 and any modern text recognition software would defeat it. In fact the Mac text recognition in Preview defeats 3 of the 4 characters with no additional work:
So completely pointless and user hostile. Scoring lots of points for the worst website ever. I'm also going to give some additional points for "Ask our chatbot for assistance", an idea so revolting normally I'd just give up on the entire idea. But of course I'm curious, so I click on the link for the "Ask our chatbot" and.....
It takes me back to the main page.
Slow clap Broadcom. Imagine being a customer that is so frustrated with your support portal that you actually click "Ask a chatbot" and the web developers at Broadcom come by and karate chop you right in the throat. Bravo. Now in Broadcom's defense in the corner IS a chatbot icon so I kinda see what happened here. Let's ask it a question.
I didn't say hello. I don't know why it decided I said hello to it. But in response to VMware it gives me this:
Did the chatbot just tell me to go fuck myself? Why did you make a chatbot if all you do is select a word from a list and it returns the link to the support doc? Would I like to "Type a Query"?? WHAT IS A CHATBOT IF NOT TYPING QUERIES?
Next Steps
I fill in the AI-proof CAPTCHA and hit next, only to be greeted with the following screen for 30 seconds.
Finally I'm allowed to make my user account.
Um....alright....seems like overkill Broadcom but you know what this is your show. I have 1Password so this won't be a problem. It's not letting me copy/paste from 1Password into this field but if I do Command + \ it seems to let me insert. Then I get this.
What are you doing to me Broadcom. Did I....wrong you in some way? I don't understand what is happening. Ok well I refresh the page, try again and it works this time. Except I can't copy/paste into the Confirm Password field.
I mean they can't expect me to type out the impossibly complicated password they just had me generate right? Except they have and they've added a check to ensure that I don't disable Javascript and treat it like a normal HTML form.
Hey front-end folks, just a quick note. Never ever ever ever ever mess with my browser. It's not yours, it's mine. I'm letting you use it for free to render your bloated sites. Don't do this to me. I get to copy paste whatever I want whenever I want. When you get your own browser you can do whatever you want but while you are living in my house under my rules I get to copy/paste whenever I goddamn feel like it.
Quickly losing enthusiasm for the idea of VMware
So after pulling up the password and typing it in, I'm treated to this absolutely baffling screen.
Do I need those? I feel like I might need those. eStore at least sounds like something I might want. I don't really want Public Semiconductors Case Management but I guess that one comes in the box. 44 seconds of this icon later
I'm treated to the following.
Broadcom, you clever bastards. Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. Tricking users into thinking a link is going to help them and then telling them to get fucked by advising them to contact your sales rep? Genius.
So then I hit cancel and get bounced back to......you guessed it!
Except I'm not even logged into my newly created account. So then I go to login with my new credentials and I finally make it to my customer portal. Well no first they need to redirect me back to the Broadcom Support main page again with new icons.
Apparently my name was too long to show and instead of fixing that or only showing first name Broadcom wanted to ensure the disrespect continued and sorta trail off. Whatever, I'm finally in the Matrix.
Now where might I go to...actually download some VMware software. There's a search bar that says "Search the entire site", let's start there!
Nothing found except for a CVE. Broadcom you are GOOD! For a second I thought you were gonna help me and like Lucy with the football you made me eat shit again.
My Downloads was also unhelpful.
But maybe I can add the entitlement to the account? Let's try All Products.
Of course the link doesn't work. What was I even thinking trying that? That one is really on me. However "All Products" on the left-hand side works and finally I find it. My white whale.
Except when I click on product details I'm brought back to....
The blank page with no information! Out of frustration I click on "My Downloads" again which is now magically full of links! Then I see it!
YES. Clicking on it I get my old buddy the Broadcom logo for a solid 2 minutes 14 seconds.
Now I have fiber internet with 1000 down, so this has nothing to do with me. Finally I click the download button and I get.....the Broadcom logo again.
30 seconds pass. 1 minute passes. 2 minutes pass. I'm not sure what to do.
No. No you piece of shit website. I've come too far and sacrificed too much of my human dignity. I am getting a fucking copy of VMware Fusion. Try 2 is the same thing. 3, 4, 5 all fail. Then finally.
I install it and like a good horror movie, I think it's all over. I've killed Jason. Except when I'm installing Windows I see this little link:
And think "wow I would like to know what the limitations are for Windows 11 for Arm!". Click on it and I'm redirected to...
Just one final fuck you from the team at Broadcom.
Conclusion
I've used lots of bad websites in my life. Hell, I've made a lot of bad websites in my life. But never before have I seen a website that so completely expresses just the pure hatred of users like this one. Everything was as poorly designed as possible, with user hostile design at every corner.
Honestly Broadcom, I don't even know why you bothered buying VMware. It's impossible for anyone to ever get this product from you. Instead of migrating from the VMware store to this disaster, maybe just shut this down entirely. Destroy the backups of this dumpster fire and start fresh. Maybe just consider a Shopify site because at least then an average user might have a snowballs chance in hell of ever finding something to download from you.
Do you know of a worse website? I want to see it. https://c.im/@matdevdug
